" OOHMERULE "

In the name of the Most Generous and the Most Merciful. 💕 " Pabila tertutupnya mata si ibu maka tertutuplah satu pintu nikmat iaitu doa ibu ." There's a lot to say from the way that phrase sounded. Well, it depends. I am known to appear happy and smiley at all times since I was small. From my own observation, the way people see me depends on the way I brought myself. As I enjoy joking around, acting silly, pulling pranks on my friends and have always been living in this happy bubble of mine, I actually spend very little time being sad or think about the problems that I must have had. Perhaps that is why it is very rare to see me not in the mood, except if I'm a bit too hungry or that I do not get enough sleep. Yep, I tend to appear a little grumpy from lack of sleep. Basically, that's how I bring myself around people and how I'd like people to view me. After mom's passing, I seldom take most of people's words to heart. And, it's...

Hello, tiny Earthlings. 💗 I'm currently doing a correction for my thesis report. Oh it is so much convenient, actually, to post things via twitter because I can keep it short and simple and secret. By secret, I mean, not mentioning the real situation -- just some words of happy mood or frustration. Either one. **sigh This online banking web is annoying because it does not allow me to view my past transactions clearly. I hate that. I hate things that says "No" to me, basically. I'd like to check though. Do I have to get a copy from over-the-counter? Soooo high-tech. **sigh I'm happy. I'm eating again. My birthday for this year was a blast. I feel loved. Thank you to those who made it happened :) I've never had so many birthday wishes for a long time. Since January is a busy month, for everyone. So, yeah. Thank you for remembering and for caring enough to wish the already-happy me a happy birthday. I'm touched. You guys used your time on m...

Evening, petty people. Hehe 💕 It sure has been awhile since i last post anything. Hm well, I actually got something to tell. I've been feeling good recently - goofy, funny, happy and whatnot. Things are going great if you'd ask. Still are. However, I believe I have not tell a single soul about this uneasiness I feel when I get to certain comfortable state. I do not fancy feeling comfortable, especially when it gets too comfortable. And suddenly, comfortable is not comforting at all. They say, things go bad when you get too happy. Not hoping for it to come true, well, who on their right mind would? But, you see, life has its ups and downs. Sometimes things go as you favour them to be and the other times things just do not favour you. **sigh Unfortunately, I've experienced a state where everything was frustrating. Feelings were frustrating, people were frustrating, appetite, campus, life, me. I, myself, was frustrating. I lost half of my life. It felt...

In the name of Allah, Most Beloved and Most Merciful. 💗 Pretty sure we all have heard about some Muslims happen to support the idea of LGBT+Q being legal here in our country. Hm where to begin exactly? All I am trying to say is that what's wrong is wrong and will never be right because it's prohibited as mentioned in the holy book. And we, as Muslims, are supposed to be against this immorality of some sort and not encouraging in any way esp if the doers are among Muslims as well. I guess we all understood that part crystal clear. However, I saw a drawing - more like a comic - which kind of serve the opposite idea of everything. I mean, I understand its message but unfortunately, the illustrator might have portrayed the situation a bit wrongly. Oh I can picture the plot twist very clearly. Oh no. My mind. And the harsh comments, judgments and curses people been using to address the people who practice this LGBT+Q lifestyle is horrible, too. I am again...

Hello, lovely. 💗 Just googled up the word. Tranquility means a state of being tranquil or calm. So, what makes you feel tranquil? What gives you calmness? As for me, it is when my life is in control - things are in orders, works are done, being stress free, spiritually content. Things do not need to fall into place just as I wish it would be, but enough to bring serenity to the mental. It would be more than wonderful to have things go my way but it does not matter as long as I have fun. I love having fun. Having tranquillity is important to me. My one friend and I text every now and then. Not regularly, but every time we text each other we ended up speaking of the same thing all over again. It is like the topic never bore us. This friend of mine has asked me last month, "Why do we always talk about this? Do the others speak about this too?" Honestly, I can tell. No one really talks about that anymore. Ha ha Why do you always bring it up? I usually have no inte...

Hello, lovelies. 💗 There are certain things keep bugging my head every now and then but none of those is as saddening as this one currently circling my head. Almost two years has passed. Crazy how one thing could really decide to just sit there in your head and won't ever leave, right? *sigh. And as crazy as that may be, um, I don't know why it keeps coming back. I don't mean anything vivid like flashbacks - just feelings. Perhaps I'm so used to missing it every single day and had been comfortable of doing so for quite a long time that somehow a man of routine like me failed to forget. Not like I'm trying hard enough. I remember crying so hard and has begged to have my life back. Wallahi , that one du'a was so sincerely wished it literally came true. I got my life back. He gave me my life back. Just the way it was before life decided to be complicated. But why, though everything is back as it was once were, that I start to..um. Am I ...

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful 💗 This morning Diana texted me telling that one of our friend, Syafiqah, has lost her beloved father. Innalillahi-wa-innailaihi-rajiun. I have yet to know the whole story behind that but I did call her last month - sekadar bertanya khabar. And she had a lot to tell since we have not met for ages. Hm what I didn't hear was that her father has been returning back and forth to hospital for some time. Suddenly hearing about her father's death somehow break my heart too. Syafiqah was one of the many friends who had given nice, encouraging words when my mother died last two years. Her grief now is pretty much felt 😔 Nevertheless, I hope people are going to be there for her - giving her all the support she needs. Whatever I did not get when this happened to me, I hope she gets it. Despite all this, I have something important to share. About stopping ourselves from bigger damage, choosing empathy, mostl...

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful. 💗 The cat has given birth to only-God-knows how many kittens at the back of our house. Only had the chance to see one yesterday. Usually I am not this concern about kitties giving birth and whatnot. I mean, hey, these are grown cats we are talking about. They sure know what they are doing. Cats survive on their own, really. Tough creatures. Even in our community, it's crazy. However, it has been raining for two nights, so I happened to wonder where the family go for shelter. Cold night. I am sneezing myself. Then again, they are cats. They survive in this world most of the time. Sure, if God is willing. I will check on them tomorrow morning. That is after breakfast because here, in this house, breakfast is crucial. Daily doses they say. Oh and I have been reading again. I draw one time. And, I managed to sew a blouse. My sewing is not that good but the blouse looks F I N E ! Been thinking to myself...

Assalamualaikum 💗 I heard that it is harder to gain weight than to lose it. At least that's what happens to me.  Now if I can put an equation to explain that, 36kg ≤ Umi ≤ 45kg Abnormal? Yes. I heard about what happens on the contrary, too. Another thing that I heard (from my cousin), "I tried to gain weight too when I was your age but I don't remember to weigh that little. Anyways,  struggle's the same - I couldn't stop thinking about it, too. Just like you, I tried to feed myself more than the average. I literally eat more than the average girls. Any girl can stop at second chicken or their third ones but I usually stopped at my fourth or fifth. Alas, that can only get me as far - 1kg. It's frustrating, you see, because I was struggling. I cried. I got angry. I wonder just what went wrong with my body. Everyone else is living in their own ideal body type. I'm stuck at 'skinny'. I understand how you feel. ...

Assalamualaikum 💗 I'm doing fine, first and foremost. I love what I'm doing now. I'm happy with what I've decided. Even though life can get a little bumpy every now and then but life's doing great. It has been two years since mom's passing, two years since I finished my degree, two years since my emotional recovery. Well, almost two years. Now, I'm doing my master’s degree. Pursuing whatever there is to please mom. Not solely but of course, I'm doing this for myself and the people around me. Ahh *sighh mom wanted to see this. Hey, last week almost feel as if my mom's dua is coming true. Thanks to you, good people, I manage to get back on my own two feet. I am forever thankful for this and for my super strong support system. I do not have the slightest idea on how to repay such kindness, but I'll try my best to be good, do good just so their support all this while won't go to waste. WALLAHI, if there's o...

Assalamualaikum 💗 Hi. I've been thinking of a content to post about. I thought of some but whenever I wanted to start posting, things flew off my mind. Hehe Whatever the content was - it has always been about reflection of my everyday life or Mom. Always jumping to and from those two topics. Probably because that's what I've been putting my mind to a lot recently. I am doing fine (almost great) everyday. Always able to maintain happy thoughts, think positively, give out advises again. Most importantly I am able to rationalize things and reflect calmly. Most of my friends notice, yes, because it clearly shows. I can go out again, work, get things settle, exercise andddddd go on social media! I used to avoid those things during my unhappy terms with life. Hey, i found this in draft and i think it needs to be posted. I wonder when is this supposed to be posted.

Hello, lovelies. 💗 I was going to internally scream, "Where's my laptop?!" but then i went into my room and found it on the table haha like, weh how am i suppose to work (work lah sangat mi 👅) without the laptop? I already gave up the Lenovo one to eldest brother - i thought he's taking this Compaq (mom's) too because he was borrowing. Tapi since dia tak bawak balik Shah Alam, everything's fineee~ Itu lah. Glad I'm the cari first, gelabah later type. Huhu. Thought of passing the Lenovo to my younger brother since he's still studying and thought that Autocad and other systems and programs would fit just nice - no lagging and all that. Ah, you know how students deal with assignment documents, games and stuff, right? Kalau tak lag tu dah alright dah but then, ada orang dah mintak. Huhuhu dia pun dah decide to beli lain pulak. Tak bagitahu pun. Kalau tak, dah pass down dah. Meanwhile, when I was in college, start bawa laptop ni ...

Since I love cartoons so much, I might as well get some cartoons to lecture me. Hahaha. Well, they are good cartoons - creatively illustrated, detailed with subtitles and all. All the highlights are well interpreted. Good cartoons, yes! And what made them better is that these cartoons are made out of just pure kindness. What's the word? Hmm (still the finding the right word...) I mean, the illustration are somebody's courtesy. These videos can be watch for free. It's the education of Quran and people are giving the lecture for free. Yea, kindness like that. You do it out of love. Just for da'wah. And how great it is that it is then watched by people like me who needs help, who needs good words for consolation. Who just needs motivation to keep going. Mann, they are making full use of their talent, I'm telling you. If any one of you good girls and boys do such act of volunteering like this, well, you know what rewards you after that. As the English saying ...

Ayyyyyeeeeee~ I am back with new kind of gooodd spirit, yay. Haha. After lots of consideration, advices and time spent listening to a number speakers online, I've come to realise that if I ever have faith within then I'll just have to accept that there are always silver linings behind every obstacle. A speaker have said that, "When a person comes to God with the intention to repent even if his fault is as big as a mountain, Allah forgives. And if there's greater gift than a forgiveness towards His slave, it's Him turning that mountain of sins into good deeds since this person has genuinely repent". He also added that if one is to question himself wether he is forgiven or nay, he quoted the ayat from Quran (I can't quite recall the exact ayah but it's something that goes like, "When a slave repents, We (Allah) forgive". And as a believer, we should know that Allah keeps his words. He also said, just have faith that Allah swt has forgi...

i have not regret anything in my life. and maybe i have not taken any lessons quite seriously before. i don't know if, now, life is trying to make me live with a past i cannot change or what but i can feel myself losing weight again (i lost so many kilos already) and i think i am not in a good condition, i do not take care of my health, my daily water intake. well, everything is not okay. i do not feel okay myself, i cannot seem to bring myself to forgive me for what i have done and i sort of solely believe i have to mend things first in order to feel right and start doing things for myself. i cannot forget the fact that i did something so wrong in so many ways. oh yes it was wrong. i pray to god: Give me the chance to make this right. I promise to do this in the right way. I promise I'll work hard and not take things for granted again. Lord, help me for I cannot seem to forgive myself. I'll change. I'll invent a whole new me. I'll be good. Let me fix this...

back to writing - feeling like it's a must, only for this once. i don't know. something just calls me to write today because i am currently not very happy but, happy is the only way anyway. remember when we were so much younger than ever? and probably happier. well , i remember most of everything. i could not be any more grateful that i am now not a nuisance, thank god, i am actually happy with whatever god is giving me. i am sincerely and truthfully am grateful. how can i not be? it's just that growing up is not some other chapter you know you'll get through. it is harder than i imagined it would be but still, growing up is a fine thing to do. i am feeling fine. maybe it's the weather. maybe it's hormonal changes. maybe it's the feeling of uncontentment . maybe it's just another phase of seeing things in different point of view. however , there's actually things happening here and there that needs concern. i need...

"what do you want most in the whole world?" If I were to be asked, my answer would be "love" and love it shall be. I want to be loved and appreciated and cared of. Perhaps, it is attention which I crave most. All I know is that what makes me human. I am already so full of love yet all I am ever going to ask is love too. Since I was little, I've been comfort with love. It is probably the first thing that I learned. Mother shows me that love is sacrifice. She has always been there for us - spending all of her time to prepare us for our lives. Even though she is a very busy woman, she'd make time for us. She is never too busy for her boys and never too busy for me. That is very big sacrifice. Mother shows that it is crucial to manage time because it is precious. Father taught me that Love is showing effort. Father, he aids us in everything we do. With the presence of his love never have I felt hardship. My brothers and I live peacefully in prosper whic...

"Why are you wearing that?" "Oh mesti kelas lecturer tu kan, haa kena la hipokrit sikit ye tak" Omg, you should stop manipulating on how I dress. Okay, the best answer I can give you is; it depends. Yeah. Depends on the way you're thinking - whether you think positively or not, I mean. Since years ago, there are going to be days where you will find me wearing "tudung labuh" and the other times I do not. During matriculation days, people are okay with that. The girls like it and they take pictures with me wearing that. They even lend me theirs so they can see me wear one. It was nice. The point is, why is some of you make fun of me wearing it during university? I am not okay with that. This is one of the reason why I dislike the students here - they think they are so big they can simply laugh at clothes I'm comfortable in. Ugh Well, to get even, all I can think is that they are culture-shock pricks. Suddenly getting the chance t...

Do you still remember how our mothers amazed us when we were little kids? I like these parts of my life - reminisce all the little things mother did for me. This morning, mother made us banana fritters for breakfast. I went to have my morning read and was not at the kitchen giving her a helping hand, too bad. Hm the story'd be cliche if I was there, isn't it? Hehe, no, probably not. I remember everytime we tried to load food into those plastic containers um, we had tupperwares. Mother always able to choose one which the food was going to fit just right, yep, right from afar, just by looking or estimating or was it by magic? That amused me. Thinking of the things mother used to do for me - things I can't do on my own. It strucks me when these days, I am able to do those things, it feels amazing yet it feels sad at the same time. I get this feelings - when we are able to do things that mothers do - it is like mothers do not need to aid us anymore. The more independent we ...

Semalam patutnya jumpa Elda pstu Ouija sekali dgn dia tapi sampai KLCC terus rasa mcm nak pass out. Kepala rasa ringan ya amat - terus beli panadol, beli air mineral. Masa beratur tu ingt nak mintak skip kat org dpn skali tp no energy ti even speak out jadi terpaksa tahan sakit smp lah dpat bayar that MYR1. Tak sempat keluar Isetan lg dah menggelabah telan panadol. Kisah pulak tak makan lagi ke apa asalkan panadol kena masuk perut jugak. Ahh Keluar Isetan terus jalan ke washroom paling dekat (pun jauh jugak sebab dah tenat, blurry sight, hands on walls). Em bro nak bagi flyers tu pulak he must have thought weirdly of me. Sampai ladies washrooom terus duduk. Cancel the plan to movie with Elda. I felt so effed up oh whyyy? I hate to cancel plans, ugh but cannot help it. Sakit dtg dua, tiga tahun sekali ni macam haram scratched the inside of my tummy aduh. Luckily, I can still think straight. I dialled my friends. Diana was the first one because I was with her earlier but she didnt p...