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Devoting all of me

Im currently continuing my degree in finance. Im fine, thank you for cheering me up every now and then. For those who laugh at my jokes, youre just as fun as a hillarious fresh jokes which are very pleasing.

Im okay. Im not having difficulties. It is just everytime I went back into our room here - it feels empty somehow. Im not frustrated that we cannot gather like the old days. Im not mad because some of us are really struggling and have only little time to spend for me. Im not into any negative thinking about any of you guys.

Im just not.

I blame myself for not working hard enough back then when i got everything in my hand. I feel like I have taken everything for granted. I have taken all of my friends for granted. I wasted some time sitting alone feeling lonely back in those days when I could just call one of you guys to accompany me. I should have spent all my life at college with you guys because now all I can do is stare at pictures.

I know I used to hang out with all of you but now, it didnt feel enough. Enough is not enough. There is not one moment passed that I have ever felt enough with us. I want that to stay forever. I know it is ridiculous for me to say this bcs obviously I have devoted all of me there to you guys.

Im sorry if I ever wasted my time cursing you, felt annoyed of you, stay mad at you, didnt talk to you, didnt walk to you, didnt persuade you on behaving like good teens, or neglected you in any way.

Sorry I didnt work hard enough to be able to always be there for every one of you. I hate that I have to say, "I understand we have to go our seperate ways now" everytime to coax my own heart. Im sorry, dear heart, for burdening you always with my never ending pain of missing those whos far from reachable.

I miss us . Forever and always.

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