"The name is Umirul. Staying in Malaysia. Currently following a cartoon series, ADVENTURE TIME on telly. I have many desires, imagination and specialty. Adores people who have high confidence towards themselves. Enjoy various good music. Rarely trust living things for they can easily lie."

"I also love to read, read, read and EAT. I read tons of mangas and watch loads of animes. Oh yes, I used to love MMORPG games. Haha. I have once chose a box of cereal and a pillow featuring Strawberry Shortcake as birthday presents."


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I am so in love I am crying inside
Wednesday, 20 May 2015

"what do you want most in the whole world?"

If I were to be asked, my answer would be "love" and love it shall be. I want to be loved and appreciated and cared of. Perhaps, it is attention which I crave most. All I know is that what makes me human.

I am already so full of love yet all I am ever going to ask is love too.

Since I was little, I've been comfort with love. It is probably the first thing that I learned. Mother shows me that love is sacrifice. She has always been there for us - spending all of her time to prepare us for our lives. Even though she is a very busy woman, she'd make time for us. She is never too busy for her boys and never too busy for me. That is very big sacrifice. Mother shows that it is crucial to manage time because it is precious.

Father taught me that Love is showing effort. Father, he aids us in everything we do. With the presence of his love never have I felt hardship. My brothers and I live peacefully in prosper which father gained from his effort. All his life, he's been working to make sure we are not going to lack in anything, he said so. He rarely says anything about love let alone verbalize it but as I sit here I can feel his love.

I cried once thinking about how I never try to understand my father because there is no way I can explain to anyone what's he like. I refuse to speak of my father because he's all mystery and I always feel so small looking up at his confidence and passion for work. Every time I get good grades, it is him who inspire me. He never gives up and so I shall not. I am very intelligent and responsible and I am going to be as successful as he is.

What about my brothers?

They are gentlemen. They treat me like a princess. And because one of them are married and the other have no girlfriend so I am used to be prioritized. I always am their only girl. They make me feel special inside out. They see me at my worst and still loving me as I am. I am so used to being the only lady who got all the attention that I cannot imagine life being second.

I wanted to make people feel that they, too, are special - just like how they treat me.

I enjoy school so much because I like my friends. I like them a lot, yes. Some of them are very much appreciated that I hope our friendship has no ending. Sometimes it gets me thinking,

"Will my friends miss when I get married?"

I do not know. Hey, are you guys going to cry me a Niagara fall? I am going to have new tracks of song and you might not be the first one to listen to it. I am going to go somewhere and it might not be you who I choose to go with. I am going to post pictures and it might rarely be you in it. I am going to send good morning texts and good night texts and consolation texts and perhaps it won't be you who receive it. All I am doing with you guys now I might be doing with someone else. You know I ain't going to have time to hear you guys so often like I used to. You know there will be spaces between us. You know that it is going to be different so, are you? 

This is not me being a jerk or self-centered but, I was just wondering and I'd like to know the answer. I would love to spend my whole life with you guys, yes, a million time yes but would you?

I am so in love I think I am going to cry.

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