In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful
💗
This morning Diana texted me telling that one of our friend, Syafiqah, has lost her beloved father.
Innalillahi-wa-innailaihi-rajiun.
I have yet to know the whole story behind that but I did call her last month - sekadar bertanya khabar. And she had a lot to tell since we have not met for ages. Hm what I didn't hear was that her father has been returning back and forth to hospital for some time. Suddenly hearing about her father's death somehow break my heart too. Syafiqah was one of the many friends who had given nice, encouraging words when my mother died last two years. Her grief now is pretty much felt 😔
Nevertheless, I hope people are going to be there for her - giving her all the support she needs. Whatever I did not get when this happened to me, I hope she gets it.
Despite all this, I have something important to share. About stopping ourselves from bigger damage, choosing empathy, mostly of being kind over being right.
When my mother dies, after two weeks, all I do is cry. I cry to everyone except to my family because I thought it was the right thing to do, that I have to put an act and be strong, behave normally, take charge of things which I am capable of helping. I have a lot in my mind and dare to admit that I hurt people too along the process. For I am not one to play the 'victim' card, I always remind myself to say sorry every now and then towards people that I believe I might have hurt in some ways.
The story is pretty much start a little like this: You know as Muslims we are taught to say Innalillah- when people die, right? However when we speak of the deceased people, most end our speech with al-Fatihah with regards that others will recite the ayah as a gift to the deceased. For example,
"Something reminds me of my mom when she used to be here. Al-fatihah."
"My uncle just passed away. Al-fatihah"
These are the examples of speeches where people are asking for your kindness, time and empathy to recite the surah as a gift towards their deceased family members, guys. Two years ago when I tweeted something like this after months of my mother's death, one person (flashbacks: who acted so much like a friend) commented that the right thing Muslims should say when someone is deceased is Innalillah. Wallahi, everyone knows that. Everyone notice that fact.
But which part of the message that is so hard to grasp that people are only asking for you to recite the Surah? Is the message that complicating? Some kind of unreadable abbreviation to you, is it?
This person got a point. The fact is right, correct. Mumtaz!
Perhaps the simple "al-Fatihah" in that context just have not reach the heart yet. Not until all of this happens to one's family, right? Not until life hits you. Only then things are easy to comprehend.
Sometimes, we need to choose being kind over being right.
Being the most a'lim, the know-it-all, preacher of some sort at the wrong time just do not contribute to the best outcomes. This, for instance.
Muslims are also taught of how the cleaning and burial of the dead should be, how the tomb and grave should look. We all know that Islam teaches every aspect of life - Islam is salam, kamil, syumul. All the goodness.
Choose being kind over being right. Don't come at your grieving friend telling, "Oh the grave shouldn't look like that. That is so haram, bruh" because that is inappropriate. Wait for more suitable time to politely tell your friend what is wrong and why are things the way the are. Or try to involve yourself from the beginning of things and educate those who do not know. Lead them to things, early.
During my time, most people already knew that but some people may not.
It's hard to explain but you'll get better understanding of things when it happens to you. People are so hard to please and we are simply incapable of pleasing everyone. The least we can do is be kind. When one of your family members die, take my mother for example, I have to remember that my mother is not mine alone. She was someone's child, someone's sister, someone's friend, someone's anything. And, everyone has a say for everything.
Perhaps a view is good to you while not to others and perhaps one thing is good in the eyes of another while you think it is not. Even if you are sure about one thing, it is not you alone who's going to decide for things. Sometimes, it is better to keep quiet then to start an argument that could last an eternity or break a bond.
Allah s.w.t knows better and He is the Most Forgiving, Most Gracious and the Most Merciful.
He knows while we know not. He loves those who protect one another, good to their kindred and also those who are not quarrelsome.
Our Prophet p.b.u.h is known for his very good akhlak - he is the perfect exemplary that we should follow. He does not condemn those who do not know and those who lacks. He was always kind towards his companions and everyone else. He reminds us to act justly and be mindful of people's feelings.
Good for you that you're more knowledgeable, more concern when it comes to the religion - what can/ cannot, dos and don'ts but do not forget to be mindful of your words for it could hurt. There is always suitable way and time to say things so that your message will not be misinterpret and thus breaking hearts. I hope we all can learn from this.
In this era where psychological health are often talked about, we should be extra cautious of what we speak of. Always choose to be kind over being right because sometimes, that is all that matters 😌 For my friend, Syafiqah. Condolences to you. May your father be among those who has repented and loved by Allah s.w.t.
Regards.
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