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who wants to know

i dont care if you want to know but, you have to do it if you want to know. and if you dont want to do it, there's no way you would know anything about it.

recently, i typed in my secrets in my blog. LOL. but, i drafted it and labelled it under "my untold drafted secrets". so, if you want to know, you have to login as "me" in Blogger, otherwise, you wouldnt know. that's that. wakakkakaa...*pe meraban neh* that's why, u've not seen any post since the last one. huuu.. so sadd lah.

so, now. not a secret, well, it was indeed a secret but, it's okay. i'd like to share it because it's funny! kind of..

i dont remember when. that day, at school on English subject. the teacher came in and we greeted her politely, as always lah. then, she asked us to open our English text book so, all of us did as told except, ME. my stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. many butterflies! my face may have changed to something frowning that time, i cant see because i didnt have time for mirror-mirror-on-the-wall thingy. i was busy craving for the text book. stupidd text book! why didnt it shout??! i should have been sitting on my chair, you book! well, forget it. it will never scream out loud as i wished, it will never do such thing. and it was not it;s fault that i was told to stand outside the class on that time. ughh! at first, i cant barely hear the teacher telling me to get out of the class because i was sort of, lost in the middle of nothing. *awkward* i was like, "Shit! Where's that book anyway? Did I forgot to stuff it in my bag last night?" but, there's no use. i felt my legs walked towards the door, the exit, the nightmare! on the first week of school and i was told to get out? am i trapped in someone else body? i had never done anything dat made myself told to step out of the class. the good thing is, i was numb inside out. i didnt feel a thing because my head was still in the confuse mood but, half of me told myself that it was all gonna be okay. so, i stepped out of the class and began to find a ground to stand on.

while i was still searching for a place to stand straight on my feet, i realised that i had stopped beside the blue door. i looked around, looking for someone or something to glare at but, i couldnt find any. i was alone and there was only silence except for that woman, standing in my class doing nothing but murmurs things under her breath [well, i could tell dat she's teaching but, she must have thought a little of something about me didnt bring that text book]. i didnt care, i was beginning to enjoy myself outside the class. the morning breeze, they made me feel okay. they accompanied me while i was standing beside a blue door, an exit to the coridor. i can feel the wind blew towards me and i was letting it covered my face, my hands. let it be, let it blow the loneliness away from me and it did. after some time, i began to feel bored so i moved my hand until it reach the height of my tummy and i stopped the movement. there, stood my watch orbitting my wrist and i was looking at it. the watch is black in color, i like it. i stared at the numbers for minutes and i was calculating in my mind for some seconds and i discovered dat i had waste about 20 minutes by standing beside a door. i felt miserable as the pupil of the class nextdoor began to walk slowly along the coridor, which i was standing on my feet with my back againts the door. i played my white shoes for minutes, stopped and back off a little for the pupil to pass through. i realised that i wasnt blocking the way but, there was something inside me telling to make some way for the pupil from the next class. they stared at me and i gave them a glare until the turned to face their front.

i didnt feel anything as they passed by. some of them carved a smile on their own face so, i threw a smile back at them. one of them give me a glare and started to chuckle naughtily but, i gave him a smile too. i thought for a sec, 'he'll pay for doing that. he didnt know me'. suddenly, i remembered how my hands felt cold enough to freeze whatever i was holding back in the class earlier. i stopped to think about it and began to look if there's anyone else going to stare at me. one more boy to go. where were the girls from class nextdoor? that was what i thought. the next thing that crossed my mind was, 'can i go and make myself a little comfortable anywhere else?' there was nothing to do, so i started to play with my legs for only-god-know-how-many-times again. i didnt have anything else to do, well, i wished i could do something else because that would be just great enough to make myself feel something abut this. i didnt want to stand here, being humiliate but i didnt feel humiliated, i felt funny. yeah, i felt funny. that was the only feeling left in me. my heart beats every seconds, every minutes but that was the only thing i could feel. i thought that it was okay to feel that way now. some of the girls who passed by gave me a smile, each of them. one of them held my hand and let it go. three of the girls on the same floor, spoke silently from far away asking, 'why were you outside the class?', 'is it that woman in the class?', 'what did you do?' and stuff like that. i just answered anything they need to know. i felt more better to talk to someone on that time, even if we're far from each other and talked in the language that only us can understand.

so, things happened. the next week was a week i want to remember. it was a happy week. i really want to keep it in mind. how bout you? how;s your week? is it okay?

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