they dont know what i've been doing all this whileI dont just sit there and do nothing. I tried everything almost everyday. And what did I get in return? A rebel yell and growling sounds exploding my ears. What harm did I do? You always think negetively about me. I'm not sure how long will I ever make it to live with that for a whole year. This year is very important for me. I need to get ready for everything. Dont you try to make me live in a living hell. Its not like I'm tired of trying to fake things for you but I'm tired of flashback-ing stuff that you said to me and the way you act like I didnt try at all. How can I ever make you satisfy with you keep sniffing my mistakes? You only see the bad side of me. When I do things right, you dont say anything but when I screwed up just a little, you'll start yelling at me. What did I do wrong to you? Dont make me feel so miserable, please. One time, you're like an angel. The other time, you torture me inside out. How could you do this to me? Dont love me anymore? Hate me already? I'm not evil. She helps us. She helps you. How can you tell me I'm not being nice? I am already made that way.
I just hate it when you dont see me for who I am because you always hope that I'm better. You cant judge me. I have a heart, too. It's your own fault. You always expect that I can be a picture of your imagination. I am a normal human being, not an android with a human looking outer surface. You put too much burden on me and I just cant bear them any longer. I hope that you'll except me for what I am sooner.
Okay, 'nuff said.
At least, I found a shoulder to blab all this thing. You're one good hero! Even when you're not there by my side, you always know that there's something wrong. You're a warrior with thousands of strategy to melt my heart slowly - without pain, just the niceness. Gosh, I feel like I'm drowning in you. Hehee, what a word to spill.
When you called, I hope that it'll last longer. When you texted, I hope that I'll keep it forever. When we'll meet, I hope that this relationship gets better. Oh my, am I addicted to something? Well, I dont mind as long as it's something good. I'm happy we're on the right track. Everything seems so nice. I feel warm - yeah, warm, i'm feverish. What did I mean by being on the right track? It seems to me that we dont do anything wrong. Well, that's why I hope that it will just stay this way. Yeah, this way, I'll get to know you better. Without being mean, without feeling bored to death. There's nothing wrong with us being friends, right?
How can I be so clumsy? How can I cannot realise that you were there - among them? What a waste, right? I should've caught a glimpse of you, hehe. And and, here I am. When the holidays end, I'll have to wait again. Still cant believe that I actually enjoy waiting. You must be something.
Gahaahaa, why am I writing this? Well, I dont know. It feels better than just blabbing about something shitty and annoying. You know that sometimes I post entries full of craps, right? You notice? Well, you dont have to. I know you're just being negetive. Put your negetive side away when you're viewing my blog. Or else, you dont have to give yourself an eyesore just by looking at my whole crappy blog. Dont mind me, I enjoy being here. And I'm not going to apologize for who I am and for what I typed. How can I be when it feels, uhm, exciting?
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